This article by Ray Spitzenberger first appeared in IMAGES, May 5, East Bernard Express, East Bernard, Texas.
Throughout my childhood I was very close to my maternal, Wendish grandparents. They followed my life journey with great love and caring. My grandfather especially, a bright, self-educated man, was very happy that my brother and I enrolled in college and were going to be the first in his family to earn college degrees. He was the son of immigrants from Germany.
Sadly, he died in January of 1957, a few months before I graduated from Sam Houston State Teachers College in May of 1957. How I had hoped he would see me graduate! My brother graduated from college after I did, and my cousin after that. He would have been so proud of them, too, because I think it would have fulfilled a dream he had had for himself.
My grandmother died two years before Grandpa did, and she, too, would have been overjoyed at the special accomplishments of her grandchildren. However, she was not a scholarly type person like Grandpa, and would have valued our developing into good, kind-hearted human beings more than anything else.
Not everyone has the great good fortune of growing up in the sane rural town as their grandparents, going to the same church as they, not to mention going to the same German/Czech polka dances, Fourth of July celebrations, and church picnics. Both of them were present at my birth, Grandma assisting the midwife.
Back in the 1930’s and 1940’s, most people did not live very far away from their grandparents, aunts, and uncles; and closeness was a way of life, whereas, today it is different. For example, I have one friend who has grandchildren living on all three coasts. Today, it is usually a matter of necessity, and you go where God calls you to go. There were many reasons for this geographical closeness in the 1930’s and 1940’s, several of which were wartime gasoline rationing, fear of flying on airplanes, and the need for families to stay together during the Great Depression (there were no jobs anywhere).
Almost all the experts agree that living near your grandparents has tremendous benefits. A recent study by Boston College came to this conclusion: “An emotionally close relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is associated with fewer symptoms of depression for both generations.” I found other reports with similar conclusions, the general conclusion seeming to be this: “A high level of grandparental involvement in a child’s upbringing increases their well-being.” Susan Adcox has written a very fine article on grandparent/grandchild closeness.
My wife and I have experienced and are experiencing both situations, two granddaughters living very near (a couple blocks away) and a third granddaughter living nearly a couple thousand miles away (New York). We are learning that closeness can be achieved even when the child is physically far away, and of course when very near.
By living only a couple blocks from our East Bernard grandkids, my wife and I have experienced the great joy of following their school activities, as well as outside activities, always there to praise them for their accomplishments and to comfort them in their disappointments. Children and grandchildren are gifts from God, and we have been privileged to share with their parents the joy of those gifts.
We have also learned in this wonderful experience of grandparenting that there can be great closeness even when God’s gift to you lives far away.
With God’s blessing of a third grandchild, my wife and I and our newest grandchild’s parents have discovered many ways to be close while living far away.
Thanks to modern media technology, we are able to watch our granddaughter grow and develop daily via iPhone photos and videos, with text message commentaries. We can also be together by means of FaceTime. To see our baby’s smiles and frowns and delightful eye expressions and hear the little sounds she makes is like being there in New York with her.
Our other two granddaughters join in the FaceTime, too, and the daily photos, so much so that they can tell you what every garment worn by our new baby looks like. Though they have not yet seen their new cousin in person, they have bonded with her already!
I agree with the experts in affirming the great importance of grandparent/grandchild closeness. I also agree with the need for seeking every way possible to accomplish the closeness and the bonding, whether the grandchildren live a couple blocks away or a couple thousand miles.
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Ray Spitzenberger is a retired Wharton County Junior College teacher, a retired Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod pastor, and author of three books, It Must Be the Noodles, Open Prairies, and Tanka Schoen.