This article by Ray Spitzenberger first appeared in IMAGES, for April 7, East Bernard Express, East Bernard, Texas.
When I first started teaching classes in speech at Wharton County Junior College many years ago, most colleges, including WCJC, offered more than one speech course. I not only taught Public Speaking and Business Speech regularly, but also on occasion taught Interpersonal Communication. Other colleges offered, in addition, Debate and Voice and Articulation.
Of these five courses, two, Business Speech and Interpersonal Communication, had strong units on “paralanguage,” as it is often called. As you may have noticed when talking to others, the words used and the body language often contradict each other. A person says, “Yes,” but his or her body language says, “No.”
Many people commonly use the terms “body language” and “nonverbal communication” when they speak of something other than just spoken words. Although not all experts agree on the meaning of the term, “paralanguage,” that’s the term I prefer. It includes such things as tone of voice, pitch, sighs, gasps, etc., as well as gestures, facial expressions, eye blinks, etc.
Language experts believe that communication is 7% words, 38% tone of voice, and 55% body language.
Some persons’ body language is very subtle, and thus more difficult to decode, whereas other people, like me, use much bolder, more obvious body language. I even use body language when I am thinking, — you can almost tell what I’m thinking by watching my hand gestures.
This was something I was already doing as a kid. My mother used to look at me, and ask, “What are you doing?”
“I’m thinking,” I would reply. She would roll her eyes, shake her head, and walk away. In that response, she too was using body language.
Also, as a child, I was not very astute at decoding body language, especially my mother’s. Possibly I understood why she rolled her eyes at me, but there were many other nonverbal cues I missed. I could have saved myself much pain had I been able to “read” her paralanguage better!
My brother was very blunt, verbally and nonverbally, even as a child. No subtle body language came from him! His body language made it very clear when I needed to start running!
My father’s body language was so subtle it was not noticeable, no doubt partly due to my lack of perceptive abilities.
By the time I was in college I was better at decoding someone’s body language. I remember my drama director always snorted like a bull when he was getting put out with our rehearsal, our cue to shape up and deliver our lines better. It was actually in my drama classes that I first learned about the importance of paralanguage.
I believe most adults have an instinctive ability to “read” paralanguage. How many times haven’t ordinary folks listened to politicians, and, after hearing some important promises, reacted by saying, “I don’t believe you!”
Although decoding body language may be somewhat instinctive in Homo sapiens, we can all benefit from lessons in nonverbal communication. The Definitive Book of Body Language by Australians, Allan and Barbara Pease, was first published in 2006 and became an international best seller. The United States edition is still available.
Body language, unlike verbal language, is universal and incredibly important. Being able to use it and understand it more effectively would make for a better world.
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Ray Spitzenberger is a retired Wharton County Junior College teacher, a retired Lutheran Church-Missouri Synod pastor, and author of three books, It Must Be the Noodles, Open Prairies, and Tanka Schoen.